A/N: Title comes from a Jean-Luc Godard quote, “All you need for a movie is a gun and a girl.” Written for fiction_stadium, an Iron-Chef style challenge com. This was for Battle: Confusion. :D
"You know," Tony frowned. "I'm beginning to think that Ducky was right."
"He said you and I have a lot more in common than we're willing to admit."
"I might be willing to concede the point," Sacks nodded, smiling politely even as he yanked on the DVD case again. "If you'd be willing to concede the movie."
"Well you can forget it then, because I saw it first-"
"Yeah, too bad you didn't grab it first-"
"I did!" Tony insisted.
"You tried to snatch it out of my hands!"
"And it almost worked," he muttered. "Look. I need it. I have guests coming over."
"What makes you so sure I don't?"
"See, having guests would require having friends, which would require having a likeable personality-"
"Call me a radical free-thinker, but-" Abby peered at them from the next row over. "-couldn't Ron just come with us? And then we could all watch the movie."
"Preferably before midnight," Ziva spoke up from beside her. "Some of us plan on getting to work on time tomorrow morning."
"Things would go a lot faster if Fathead over here would just let go-"
"Fathead? Seriously, DiNozzo? Just because you look like a ballerina could break you in half-"
"I'm lithe, and it sure beats looking like I could out-eat a trucker-"
"Say whatever you want, you're just jealous. It's called muscle, DiNozzo, and if you had any, you'd know what it looks like. Besides-" Ron smirked. "I haven't gotten any complaints from the ladies."
"I think you mean 'lady.' Singular. And I'm not sure if your cousin counts, was your date pre-or-post op?"
"You're both about to get a couple of complaints from two bona fide ladies right here," Abby said. She and Ziva had made their way around the aisles to where Tony and Ron were standing. "Look. Ron, are you having guests?"
"Fine, no, but that doesn’t mean he can just-"
"So come hang with us!" Abby reached out, snatching the last copy of "30 Days of Night" out of both their hands and handing it off to Ziva. “Problem solved!”
"Besides," she went on, looping one arm through Ron's. "It'll be more fun this way. And I'm in charge of popcorn tonight, and I do flavors."
"Oh gee," Tony scowled, turning to Ziva as Abby led Ron toward the registers. "Does anyone want to maybe, oh, ask me about inviting Slacks to my apartment?"
Ziva looked thoughtful for a second, before shaking her head. "No."
"You look tired."
It was supposed to be a simple statement, a comment to start a conversation. McGee wondered briefly, as Ziva grabbed his tie and dragged him halfway over his desk, where he had gone wrong.
"I look tired?" she snapped, pulling him closer. "Tired, really Tim?"
"I just meant-a little-"
"Have you ever watched a movie, McGee," Ziva murmured, her voice deathly quiet. "with two Tonys?"
"I, I-" Beads of sweat began to pop up along his forehead. "I don't think so, but I saw, um, a play once, with three."
The anger on her face melted away into confusion.
"Are you mocking me?" she hissed suddenly.
"No! Nononono, never, I just, I didn't quite-"
"She means two of me, Probie," Tony spoke up, grinning as he took his seat across the way. "And you know, I don't appreciate the insinuation that Ronniekins is anywhere near the level of expertise it takes to be a DiNozzo. He barely meets my base standards for human beings."
"Hah!" Ziva laughed, letting go of Tim. He collapsed back in his chair, looking grateful to be free. "You have standards?"
"Occasionally," he smirked.
"You guys watched a movie with Sacks last night?" Tim asked.
"Yep, and you missed it. That's what you get for staying late, Probie."
"Work done?" Gibbs asked as he breezed through the bullpen.